The best way to test out your developing communication skills is by playing the role of mentor or mentoree in a safe training environment. We did this in Session Two of our Mentor Training by dividing into groups of four and practising conversations between a mentor and mentoree. We used the same scenario for both role-plays, with one version having a “mentor” who displayed poor listening/communication skills. In the second role-play, the “mentor” modelled effective listening and communication. Each group then chose one of their plays to present to the wider group.
First, an example scenario was first used to demonstrate the concept. John was mentoring "Peter" a student who is struggling financially and in conflict with his parents:
1) Poor Listening and CommunicatingJohn: Hi Pete, good to see you again
Peter: Hi.
John: How’s your week been?
Peter: OK.
John: Just OK? I would have thought a young guy like you would have had a great week.
Peter: Well we've had uni exams.
John: I can remember what that’s like. It used to be pretty intense. Swot half the night and then the kids would go mad in the “Kiwi” or the “Big I” when it was all over.
Peter: Well I've got a few complications …
John: Yeah life is a bit more complex now. What have you got planned for the holidays?
Peter: Nothing much.
John: Will you get a job? You’ll need some money to keep that student loan down. I've warned you about the dangers of borrowing too much at your age.
Peter: Yeah but that’s just it…
John: A good holiday job is the answer… I’ll have a talk to some mates in business and get you sorted.
Peter: Well I’ve got to get the exams done first. And I’ve got a few issues with Dad. He wants me to help him paint the house while he’s out of work. He’s got to do it this summer but can’t he afford get a painter in. He’s being a bit unreasonable… he knows the money pressure I’m under.
John: Parents can seem a bit unreasonable at your age. Anyway let’s get down to business and sort out some long term life goals.
Peter:Yeah … whatever…
2) Better Listening and Communicating
John: Hi Pete, good to see you again
Peter: Hi.
John: How’s your week been?
Peter: OK.
John: Just OK? What’s been going on this week then?
Peter: We've got uni exams.
John: and you’re under a bit of pressure?
Peter: More than a bit… and this money thing is just adding to it.
John: You’re worried about finances as well the exams.
Peter: Yeah I ran up over a hundred bucks in library fines when got behind on my assignments and if I don’t front with the money by the end of the month my exam results get cancelled.
John: And the whole semester gets wasted. Have you had any thoughts about sorting it out?
Peter: Well I want to get holiday job, if I can, but dad’s nutting off about helping him paint the house. He’s got to do it this summer but can’t afford a painter in while he’s out of work. He’s being a total idiot … he knows the money pressure I’m under.
John: No support when you really need it.
Peter: I don’t think he cares about my stuff, it’s all about him losing his job.
John: You want your dad’s support when you need it.
Peter: He doesn’t care about me.
John: I’m hearing that you feel your dad has abandoned you when you need him. I think we’ve got two issues to think through here. First let’s talk about some options for getting the library off your back and then we’ll talk about how we might get your dad to see how important it is for you to feel he’s there backing you, even if things are tight financially for him as well. Maybe we can help both of you really back each other up. Now what ideas have you got for a summer job and maybe I can add some suggestions?
Scenarios for Good Communication/Bad Communication Role Plays
1) Your mentoree is a single mum aged 21. She has just started polytech because her baby has turned three and can now go to the local church kindy for free, if she goes 5 mornings per week. But the baby has had flu and had to have a week at home. The mum has got behind with her assignments and thinks she might drop out.
2) Your mentoree has been chosen head prefect at the local high school for the coming year. He has been in the first fifteen rugby for 2 years, including the reps last season, and is a key leader in the church youth group. He has just been offered a rugby scholarship to go to an elite College for next year, but he must be a boarder in the high performance rugby class. He is struggling to know what to do.
3) Your mentoree became a Christian about 3 months ago through the Young Life youth worker at College. Old friends are putting pressure on them to come back into their party life style. They did go with them once, last Saturday night, and ended up getting stoned at a friend’s house. They feel very guilty about it.
4) Your mentoree has been in continual trouble (petty theft, tagging, fights) around the community for several years. They dropped out of school 2 years ago, but don't have a job. Pressure from their Christian parents has led to them agreeing to work with a mentor for 1 year to try to change direction. The parents have told the mentor that their youngster is very good at music, dance and art work.
5) Your mentoree comes from a very dysfunctional home but through 5 years in your youth group has matured into a fine and able young adult. They want to train as a lawyer and come back into their home community as a legal advisor for at-risk young people. However the parents want them to find a job or go on the dole so as to start paying serious board to help family finances. They have just told him/her that if that doesn't happen they can just move out.
6) Your mentoree is in year 13 and has been playing in the youth band for 3 years at church, as well as on an occasional Sunday morning. However the church worship leader has just said that unless they comes to the mid-week practice, they will have to leave both teams. The mentoree is under pressure at school, because he/she wants to get into architecture school and places are limited, but he/she is also a bit lazy and disorganised.
After the role-play, we asked participants for feedback and used the responses to add items to our master lists of "good” and “bad listening” l The “mentor” could, for example, be non-supportive by asking, “What did you do wrong? or shut off communication by telling the mentoree what to do instead of listening and helping to draw him out.
We had a lot of fun and every one seemed to enjoy being a bad listener much more than modeling good communications!
Quote of the Day:
Quote of the Day:
The practice of listening is a fundamental characteristic
of manifesting redemptive relationships in community.
It is Gods work, for when we learn to listen to our sisters and brothers,
we welcome them as God does.
(Dale Ziemer in Treasure in Clay Jars)
How do you "manifest redemptive relationships"?
Do you think of active listening as the welcoming of God?
Godshaped Mentoring is the site where Rev Viv records material shared in the Mentor Training events held in a partnership between two Baptist Churches in Auckland New Zealand in 2012 and 2013. The blog has been set up to ensure people who missed some aspect of of the training can catch up on the themes covered and skills taught, and so we can add insights and feedback as the programme takes shape.
