20. Structures that Support

The useful concluding session on community resources which can support a mentoring programme is one that will differ according to context. In Auckland we approached it as a conversation, naming places, people and resources in our two local communities as well as in the wider city. Careful setting of boundaries and appropriate referrals  to counsellors, marriage guidance, doctors, mental health services, and addiction support groups contribute to robust mentoring and self-care of the mentor themselves. 

A mentor cannot be expert in every area. At times they will need to encourage the mentoree in seeking help for themselves. Depending on the stage of the mentoring cycle, the mentor may tell them what to do, or support them as they explore options for themselves.  Simply telling them to go to a GP may suffice, or there may be a need for a diagnosis such as depression, where a mental health service may come in to the picture. Where illegal activities are identified, a wise mentor will seek professional help from police or addiction services; don’t try to handle stuff that is beyond your capacity. 

1) Referrals where the situation is too complex - look for support structures in the community. 

•  Professional Counselling
•  Relationship Counselling (what used to be called Marriage Guidance) 
• Citizens Advice Bureau
• Community Law
• Ministry of Youth Development
•  Youth Court
• Mental Health Crisis response
• CYFS Youth Justice 

2) There may be experienced professionals or support structures in your church who can offer help. Think about these: 

•    Careers NZ (Ministry of Education)
•    CAP financial advice
•    Young Life teens support
•    Enrich Couple Checkup and marriage preparation
•    Family Life weekends
• The Parenting Place and their Toolbox groups

3) Peer Support is also a  form of referral;

•     Depression
•     Alcoholics Anonymous, Gamblers Anon, Drugs Anon and Alanon
•     Quit Smoking
•     Toughlove
•     local networks for babysitting,  vegetable coops and sharing tools 

Whenever you are referring personally, make sure you get permission, and maintain appropriate  confidentiality.

4) Supporting Yourself

Caring for others can feel like an endless task, and mentorees can be very draining people. Its important to realise that if you give out too much without opportunity for replenishment,  you will be the one who hits rock bottom. So how do we look after ourselves?
 - have a mentor yourself or a partner soul friend.
 - debrief difficult issues with a pastoral supervisor - your church can recommend one
 - keep clear boundaries, eg no late night phone calls 
 - space your mentor meetings
 - monitor your sleep time
 - pray or meditate
 - laugh
 - have  a relaxing bath or go for a walk in nature 
 - identify your own warning lights.

Quote of the Day: 

 “In dealing with those who are undergoing great suffering, if you feel “burnout” setting in, if you feel demoralized and exhausted, it is best, for the sake of everyone, to withdraw and restore yourself. The point is to have a long-term perspective.” 

Dalai Lama

What are your warning lights? 

Who do you talk to about them?

Godshaped Mentoring is the site where Rev Viv records material shared in the Mentor Training events held in a partnership between two Baptist Churches in Auckland New Zealand in 2012 - 2014. The blog has been set up to ensure people who missed some aspect of of the training can catch up on the themes covered and skills taught, and so we can add insights and feedback as the programme takes shape.