A very important component of our 2013 mentor training was a collaborative exercise of drafting a mentoring covenant. The Biblical concept of covenant was used rather than the commercial paradigm of a contract because we wanted to emphasise the grace and commitment that undergirds our work as mentors. We asked these questions:
How will we behave in the mentoring relationship?
What needs to be made explicit at the outset?
Small groups shared ideas which were presented in form of a poster illustrating agreed values/expectations. Themes that came up in the groups ranged from punctuality and privacy, to confidentiality and contact outside the sessions.
We also looked at a few ideas from other programmes.
I will make time for you and invite you into my life. I will be authentic with you. I will not try to say or do the “right” thing just because I think it is what you want to hear or to see. I will be who God has called me to be in your life. I will share my life experiences, opinions, hopes, fears, joys, doubts and dreams with you. I will be honest with you, even when I don’t have answers to your questions. I will help you understand how I see the world. I will affirm you. I will support you in your endeavors. I will encourage you to explore who God is calling you to be. I will not always understand everything you do or say, but I will try to be respectful of who you are and how you express yourself. I will listen to what you have done in your life, see how it has shaped you and take seriously the lessons you have learned. I will listen to you without judging you. I will seek to understand you.
Together we will create a relationship based on the love of Christ for us as God’s children. We will teach each other, be open to each other and be patient with each other. We will work together at navigating life and remembering who we are as unique individuals claimed, called, and sent by God.... We will open and close our time together with prayer.
I believe that growth occurs in an atmosphere of honesty.
Therefore, I will be completely honest with those that I mentor.
I believe that with mentoring, comes the responsibility to live my life with integrity.
Therefore, in word and deed, I will conduct myself with integrity.
I believe that to truly help others, is to truly care about their well being.
Therefore, as a Mentor, I will seek to make the well being of ..... my top priority.
I believe that commitment is the foundation that meaningful relationships are built upon.
Therefore, I will not quit. I will work with .... until our work is completed.
I believe that open and timely communication is essential to the Mentoring process.
Therefore, I will provide appropriate feedback and input.
I believe that goals are essential to the Mentoring process.
Therefore, I will work with ..... to help establish goals and walk alongside them as each goal is fulfilled.
I believe that consistency develops trust in relationships.
Therefore, I agree to fulfill the agreements that I establish with those that I mentor.
I believe that confidentiality is important to the sanctity of the Mentor/Mentee relationship.
Therefore, the information that I am privileged to will remain confidential, unless otherwise stated by the mentee.
I believe that there are seasons and stages in each person’s life.
Therefore, I will travel alongside .... as long as the need exists. However, I am committed to respecting and recognizing the day when they are no longer in need of my services and I will celebrate with them as they realize their full potential.
I believe that trust and transparency are developed within an environment of honor and respect. Therefore, I will respect and honor .... time and other commitments by keeping all scheduled meetings, phone calls, and appointments with my Group unless an unavoidable and/or unanticipated personal emergency or illness occurs.
Sincerely __________________ Date____________
And here is one from a Georgia church, with a more explicitly Christian purpose.
1. Attend all sessions.
2. Be on time.
3. Have a desire for knowing Christ and for growing to maturity in Him, because our mentoring model is based on this—and does not primarily involve behaviour modification and do's and don'ts. The spiritual focus is on change of the PERSON from the inside out.
4. Understand that behavioral changes such as communication skills, problem-solving techniques, and anger management strategies will not be considered the solution to your problems.
5. Expect your personal healing and peace not to depend on your circumstances or spouse or another person changing. Your fulfillment and freedom from emotional pain is to be found only
in your understanding God’s grace, and your identity in Christ, and in pursuing an intimate relationship with Him.
6. Weekly homework such as reading, writing, listening to CDs and/or viewing DVDs, doing relational exercises, or all of the above may involve an hour or more per week. Come to a session with homework completed as assigned. This is because in the mentoring process, each session builds upon the previous session and upon the homework. Homework will be an integral part of the change process. Mentoring will not be effective if the homework is not accomplished.
7. Participate in mentoring not because a spouse or another person is expecting it, but because you have a desire for personal change through knowing Christ. The purpose of mentoring is not to change another person with whom you are in relationship.
CONFIDENTIALITY: All communications between the care receiver and the mentor are confidential. Such information will not be released to anyone, including other agencies, without your written consent. However, Georgia State Law requires that the mentor report to the appropriate authorities any suspect sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect or serious threat of physical harm to self or others. In addition, if a court orders the mentor to testify, the mentor must do so. Other exceptions would be if it were necessary to consult with a supervisor or colleague regarding recommendations for treatment. In the event of a medical emergency, emergency medical professionals will be contacted immediately.
SESSION LENGTH: The sessions last for an hour.
LATE APPOINTMENTS: It is necessary to be prompt for your session. The mentor will wait 20 minutes for a care receiver. However, if the care receiver arrives late, only the remainder of the 60 minutes scheduled will be utilized. CONFIDENTIALITY: All communications between the care receiver and the mentor are confidential. Such information will not be released to anyone, including other agencies, without your written consent. However, Georgia State Law requires that the mentor report to the appropriate authorities any suspect sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect or serious threat of physical harm to self or others. In addition, if a court orders the mentor to testify, the mentor must do so. Other exceptions would be if it were necessary to consult with a supervisor or colleague regarding recommendations for treatment. In the event of a medical emergency, emergency medical professionals will be contacted immediately.
SESSION LENGTH: The sessions last for an hour.
CANCELLATIONS: Regular attendance will produce maximum benefit. However if you must cancel, please phone your mentor at least 24 hours in advance of your scheduled appointment. Services may be discontinued if there are two no- shows of scheduled appointments. Your cooperation in this regard will be greatly appreciated.
CARE RECEIVER RIGHTS
1. You have the right to decide not to enter mentoring.
2. You have the right to end mentoring at any time.
3. You have the right to ask questions at any time about what we do during mentoring.
4. You have the right to privacy except where a mentor is legally bound to break confidentiality.
I have read and understand the conditions of participating as a care receiver in re:new mentoring, and I agree to the expectations listed above.
Name ................... Date............
As you can see the variety is rich and the contexts differ. The important thing is that these expectations are discussed and documented in some way. Give it a try!
MENTOR: A seasoned, called, and committed godly Christian leader who wants to apply the Biblical principle of investing in the next generation as found in 2 Timothy 2:2. They know that real life change occurs within the context of community. They understand the importance of keeping their own personal edge sharp, and that a great way to do so is by building relationships with the next generation of leaders. They are willing to invest 4 to 6 hours each month in themselves, and in others. They want an opportunity to "give back" and are serious about establishing their "legacy" by passing along what they have learned and experienced.
What would be the core values you would want to specify in a mentoring agreement?
What would you not want to specify?
Godshaped Mentoring is the site where Rev Viv records material shared in the Mentor Training events held in a partnership between two Baptist Churches in Auckland New Zealand in 2012 - 2014. The blog has been set up to ensure people who missed some aspect of of the training can catch up on the themes covered and skills taught, and so we can add insights and feedback as the programme takes shape.
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