Godshaped Mentoring is the site where Rev Viv records material shared in the Mentor Training events held in a partnership between two Baptist Churches in Auckland New Zealand in 2012 - 2014. The blog has been set up to ensure people who missed some aspect of of the training can catch up on the themes covered and skills taught, and so we can add insights and feedback as the programme takes shape.
The first couple of times we meet with a potential mentoree, the agenda will be building rapport, and will be determined by details such as how well you already know each other. You will develop rapport by asking an open question like 'Tell me about yourself', and identify expectations by asking 'How do you think I can help you?' Then if everything looks positive you will agree on a time frame and how you will keep track of issues, eg through reflective writing in a mentoring journal.
The first couple of times we meet with a potential mentoree, the agenda will be building rapport, and will be determined by details such as how well you already know each other. You will develop rapport by asking an open question like 'Tell me about yourself', and identify expectations by asking 'How do you think I can help you?' Then if everything looks positive you will agree on a time frame and how you will keep track of issues, eg through reflective writing in a mentoring journal.
a) Greet - using the person's name acknowledges their identity, and boosts self-esteem. Make sure you know the name they want you to use and how pronounce it correctly. Remember that the person's name is a part of who they are. Using their name is like handling the person, so be careful with it.
b) Listen/share problems - ask how has it gone since you last met, "what's on top?", what needs attention. Watch body language, and note if it doesn’t match their words.
c) Affirm - give some positive feedback on what has been shared, looking for evidence of their strengths and encouraging them about anything positive they have achieved.
d) Decide attention/agenda – decide if you will continue with an issue already introduced or if there is something new the mentoree wants to bring. This helps keep to time, and ensures the meeting is focussed on what they want to work on. As time goes on the mentoree will develop their skill in knowing what they want to talk about.
e) Work/Time – at the very least you will want to talk about two key aspects of daily life, how they spend their time (which may or may not be in paid employment) and who they regularly connect with. Some mentorees will need leading questions to draw them out on these two areas. The first one could include matters like finding your passion/gifts, as well as practical issues like going for a job interview or studying for an exam.
f) Relationships – this second aspect could include family of origin, marriage or romance, work colleagues and bosses, church family and clubs/hobbies. Where connection is causing stress or concern is more important than where things are going smoothly.
g) Action Plan – identifying various options and choosing where to start. If you can think of something they didn’t come up with, offer it cautiously, eg 'have you thought about …', 'is there anything you could you do differently…..?' The key is to get a commitment to their own goals, not some imposed by you. You can also agree on an interim goal for the time between meetings. Preferred activities can be made dependent on lesser preferred, eg no Facebook until homework done, do dishes before TV. Some example goals are - Get Fit, Get Help, Treat Yourself.
h) Prayer/God factor - your own attitude of prayer before and after the meeting is important, but within the meeting, as discussed in Post 8, you need to handle this one sensitively. It is better to pray silently if you aren’t sure. But there may also be your chance to model a simple conversational prayer style that will demonstrate spiritual authenticity. One youth group videoed themselves in an amusing but frighteningly life-like demonstration of How Not to Pray for Someone.
The STRENGTHS acronym in the peer support resource by Cynthia Mellon (p 73) gives eight headings that could also be used:
The STRENGTHS acronym in the peer support resource by Cynthia Mellon (p 73) gives eight headings that could also be used:
- Share problems,
- Think Positively,
- Relax Body and Mind,
- Express Emotions,
- Note Past Successes,
- Get Fit, Treat Yourself,
- Help Others
- Get Help
Three kinds of questions will elicit reflection:
- Response Questions - what do you think? How do you feel?
- Action Questions – what are you going to do next?
- Spiritual questions – where is God in this?
Finally, don't be afraid of periods of silence during the conversation. "Being silent while the other is talking gives assurance of love and acceptance and a sense of warmth and dignity. It facilitate openness and trust. Silence allows the speaker to gather their thoughts, to regain composure, to reflect, and to be aware of your supportive presence. It has equal benefit for the listener. Love is often most real in silence." (Mallison, Mentoring to Develop Disciples and Leaders, 2004, p 135)
Quote of the Day:
"Mentoring is to support and encourage people to manage their own learning in order that they may maximise their potential, develop their skills, improve their performance and become the person they want to be."
If spoken prayer was not appropriate with your mentoree,
how else could you finish a session?
Why is a clear end point needed?
No comments:
Post a Comment